Oh, my dears, the Caesar salad! It was invented in Tijuana, you know, not Italy. A delightful bit of culinary mythology that I simply adore. The original was made tableside by Caesar Cardini himself, who tossed the whole leaves with his hands — none of this chopping business. The dressing must have that wonderful emulsion of egg yolk and oil, with enough garlic to wake the dead and enough anchovy to make it sing. And the croutons! They must be golden and crunchy and saturated with garlic butter. Anything less is simply not worth the calories.